My Beer Rationale

After poring over several sets of “how-to” instructions; reading descriptions written by others in newspapers, magazines, books and blogs; trying it myself and holding my own group tastings, I know I need to specify beer tasting criteria that suit my senses.  

I see no point in competing with, or repeating – or plagiarising – material available via the simplest Google search or written reference.  I’m not implying there is anything wrong with what others do, say and write about beer, but I am going to do this my own way. 

I have sensory limitations.  A lot of the beer I hold up to the light, visually examine, swirl, sniff and (eventually) taste looks, smells and tastes like . . . well . . . beer. 

And so it should.  I believe that all foods – liquid and solid; animal, vegetable and mineral – should look, smell and taste like what they are.  One food pretending to be like another never works as well as the real thing, although there are positives in this approach to those who choose not to eat the original for health issues or reasons of principle – such as Quorn woven into material that sort-of resembles meat, with, meat-like flavourings added; gluten-free grain products (including beer) and low-fat spreads.           

I can identify food by type without much trouble: meat is meat, potato is potato, sprouts are vile, metallic, sulphurous creations of Satan; it’s just when I get down to detailed analysis I find that don’t always “get” what is meant to be there. 

For example, I might sniff at a beer and conclude: “fruit”.  The tasting notes on bottle label, pump badge and brewery website may tell me I should be getting “grapefruit”, perhaps followed by “ripe peaches”.  An experienced beer taster could describe in the same beer how the individual scents and flavours come in along in layers, describe the over- and under-tones, depths, combinations and comparisons – such as how the hints of vanilla complement the mocha coffee notes, the sweetness of marshmallow builds until peaking in Thornton’s toffee before giving way to a long, dry, bitter finish with a whiff of woodsmoke putting me in mind of a late-autumn day garden bonfire . . .  – all of which leaves me feeling inadequate.  

So why do it at all? 

Well, I like beer.  I think it is the best drink in the world and it can be all things to all people with its range of strengths (0.01 alcohol-free up to 27%), drinking temperatures (ice-cold to mulled), aromas, flavours, bodies, nutritional and refreshment qualities.  It is a sociable drink, easy to obtain, even to make at home. 

Beer is a useful ingredient for cooking, a replacement for some (beer instead of milk in pancakes, replacing wine in casseroles) a great accompaniment for the widest range and types of foods from delicate seafood to my own home-made Christmas pudding.  There is a strong tradition of my place in the world in terms of climate (barley and hops are vastly superior to any alternative ingredients), brewing temperatures and culture. 

Also, I taste a lot of beers.  Almost every decent pub I go into has at least one beer I’ve never heard of (or have forgotten) and some I enter weekly have several new brews each time.  It is impossible to taste them all, so I choose based on staff knowledge, label blurb, a swift (free!) taste, other drinkers’ opinions, personal experience and advance research. 

So it’s all about me, is it?  

                            

Of course it is!  These writings are entirely my own impressions, opinions, moods and prejudices.   

If anybody wants the details what the brewers, marketing people, vendors and other drinkers get from beer, the internet is awash with details and I have not the slightest intention of these personal impressions competing with any of those sources.  

Thus . .

My Beer Criteria:  

Basic Details

Producer, beer name, alcohol, storage, etc (cask, keg, bottled-conditioned, etc.)

  

Appearance 

The glass may add to or detract from the drinking experience.  I happen to think that the tall, top-heavy, vase-like glasses used for some lagers are a benefit if sparkling clean and full of golden, bubbling liquid supporting and contributing to a thick and lively head.

On the other hand, a pint of anything in a dirty, chipped, thick-walled, window beer mug loses some of its visual appeal. 

  

Beer always tastes best from a clean, dry, polished and residue-free glass at the correct temperature for the contents.  Pewter, pitch-lined leather, porcelain and plastic are all inferior to glass – although some are more inferior than others. 

Beer colour ranges from pale straw to black, a pretty large colour palette.  I shall  don’t use paint chart terminology, describe “hues” and “colourways” and will stick to basic descriptions: I use the following, possibly qualified as “pale” or “dark”: straw, gold, amber, red, brown, purple, brown and black should do it, with a few combinations for variety – “dark red-gold”, perhaps.

A head may be present or absent, tight or loose, dense or light, white or coloured  depending on type, method of delivery and expectation.  I don’t expect a lively, white-foamed head from a porter served by gravity from a cask tap.  Not do I want a golden summer beer to leave the hand pump without a trace of a bubble.  Lacing on the side of the glass as the glass is an attractive bonus, but I don’t want a head like 1960s waterways detergent foam or head dispensed as a way of serving a short measure.  For that reason, only over-sized glasses are wanted.               

Aroma and Flavours

Is it sweet?  Yes or no.  Bitter. Ditto.  Score both 1 to 5. 

What of aromas and flavours?  Well, at their most basic, what is wrong with “beer”?  Everyone knows what I mean by that, but if I smell or taste anything I recognise, I’ll describe it.  I tend to “get” a few specifics, including:   

Beer!

Fruit (citrus, cherry, peach)

Flowers (elderflower)

Foods (coffee, chocolate)

Chemical (sulphur, chlorine, musty)

Other (roasted/toasted, spicy)

Off-flavours (cabbage, skunk, we dog)

Also the basics of sweet, sour, salt, bitter and (the rather silly-sounding) umami

Bitter and sweet are graded 1 to 5.

Adding these impressions to how a beer feels in the mouth – including degree of fizz – and the feeling as the drink goes down and hits the stomach.   

Impressions

Mouth and stomach feel (smooth, silky, creamy, refreshing, astringent, warming) 

Balance (flavours, aromas, bitterness)

Other Notes: here is where I sneak in personal prejudices that that affect my drinking experience in other ways.  As I see them.  Real or imagined.  Fair or not.

Examples:

Product of large brewery marketed at a loss (to destroy opposition); beer not as described (like “IPA” at AV 3.6%); most canned beers.            

Overall Score (graded 1 to 5)

Score Key:

1 = never again

2 = why bother?

3 = okay

4 = seek out

5 = wonderful.  Plan trips and holidays around locations.

So there we are!  Long-winded for a blog post, but quite good fun to put together and the Criteria seem to work.  For me.  Which was my motivation in the first place. 

Individual tastings will follow.  Earlier tastings will be modified.